An adventure can consist of anything, and usually involves taking a chance or risk..not to mention it often dawns uncertain outcomes…

I absolutely thrive in situations of ‘the exciting unknown’ and have always craved it. I sought it out with the unequivocal objective to conquer whatever I encountered. And for the most part, I have been successful. But success is not earned without having to face difficult, sometimes excruciating, challenges. My current endeavor is likely the biggest I’ve ever undertaken. The adventure I am presently trying to master is raising a child.

The hubby and I had always made it clear to the universe that we were never going to have any kids. Looking back, it’s almost comical that we thought we could control nature or biology. Even with the modern marvel of contraception, the world we live in loudly laughed. Jeff Goldblume said it best: “nature finds a way.”

So here I am, after 9 confusing, overwhelming, uncomfortable, and very emotional months, I am living a life I never considered living. I’m currently staying at home with a 4 month old baby, with no real intention to rejoin the workforce, or at least the career path I was already on. I spend 24 hours a day with her. I feed her, change her diaper, dress her in her daily outfits and nightly pajamas, play silly little games with her, and the list goes on. I do everything a stay at home mom does and a lot of times I get my advice on how to do it all from the internet.

The internet has become my best mom friend. Yes, that is extremely sad. Under the circumstances, what with this Covid-19 pandemic, I haven’t been able to meet with mom groups or make actual mom friends in person. Neither my mom nor my husband’s mom live anywhere near us. So even though getting my info from the internet is kind of sad, it’s the most convenient tool I have access to.

Talk about a challenging adventure! But this is what I live for, right? Adventure and taking risks? Oh, the unadulterated irony! I can actually hear the universe chuckling heartily. Am I mad about it? Not necessarily mad about it, but I can get pretty upset and even flabbergasted when what I’m doing for babygirl just isn’t working. Sometimes she just cries to cry and it can really ware a mom down.

One of the most difficult things about mothering a child, especially in the younger months and years, is making sure that you get enough sleep. If your body isn’t well rested, you can’t do the things you need to do with the awareness and focus that is required. This can cause even more problems—taking care of your little one is the number one priority, and if you’re off of your game, the little one suffers the consequences. She sees you in a stressed state and can sense your mood. At least, I know my little girl does.

If I’m in a state like this, extremely sleep deprived, if I am angry, sad or whiney, this is just not the right state of mind to be in while caring for a fairly newborn child. Allow it to flow through you and pass. The feeling doesn’t last for very long, as the living emotions a new mom has for her baby overcomes even the most depressing thoughts.

Sometimes it’s even hard to get out of bed, especially when you’re jolted awake after just falling asleep, from the little one’s cries. And worse more when you realize, shit, it’s 8AM, and time to start the day. The same thing as yesterday. Feed, change, soothe, move, feed, change, soothe, move. If you’ve never had to raise a baby, and I mean be the one that is there 24/7 while your partner goes to work outside the home, you probably don’t know how far you allow yourself to go before you just can’t go any longer and break down. You don’t even know what’s happening till it hits you.

I’ve found my tipping point several times, usually when everything is happening at once. The baby is crying, the dogs are out and procrastinate before coming back in, some doctors office is calling me, then a FedEx guy pulls into the driveway and I have to race to the dogs so they don’t get run over. I left the door open and I can still hear the baby crying. I’m barefoot on a rocky concrete driveway. The FedEx guy then asks me a random question that I didn’t even hear because I’m still trying to round up the 3 dogs and need to feed the baby. Sometimes it feels like the universe does this just to keep the audience laughing.

No matter how heavy the burden feels that is on my shoulders, how chaotic the situation may seem in that moment in time, it always seems to work itself out. The dogs finally go inside, the FedEx guy speeds off and I am at last able to make a bottle for the baby. Everything felt like it was falling apart and would stay like that forever. But it was just temporary!Every moment is what I make of it. And the best thing I can remind myself of is that this is only a single moment in time. Many more are coming, and they will make me feel so much bliss! I know this. And such is this wonderful life.

The best conclusion I can make of it all is pure loving gratitude. I am grateful!